My Year One Final Battle

The day is vibrant and bright, the LGBT cause has finally prevailed (something that I will definitely find time to comment on later on). Peace and love managed to prevail over bigotry in one part of the world, but my battle has only just started. 

Many would be happy to tell me that as a psychology major at HELP, this battle is nothing. But right now it is the only hurdle I need to make through. There are now actually only two major assignments on my list, a proposal for a qualitative study and a self reflection paper on active listening. But I am actually struggling, if not slightly reluctant to finish them.

Why?

I survived a full lab report, ethics review board, various essays, career reflection papers and ACEs last semester. The stuff I have this semester should be nothing.

This should be a cakewalk, I often angrily tell myself.

I am just feeling somewhat empty…and anxious. What could possibly go wrong? What is actually missing?

Or am I just somewhat awed at how my freshman year managed to slip through our fingers and going to end like this?

Maybe it is just the cursed short semester doing work.

I actually didn’t do anything memorable recently. I didn’t really get to play, didn’t make much new friends, didn’t do anything exciting, didn’t get to watch new movies. My leadership of the club looked good, but deep inside I am still anxious. I am still upset about the fact that I may not be able to please everybody. I didn’t do enough to let me feel that I have actually grown as a person or a student.

I am actually worried about growing old and becoming cynical about student life. In many ways, I am actually alone in this struggle. And worst of all, I am actually growing tired and lacking energy, conflicted by the restless freshman in me who tells me that giving up isn’t an option.

Hell, isn’t that true. One path lays in front of me, straight as ever.

Maybe all I need to do is end this fight without losing too much.”    

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