This post is long overdue. Was supposed to have this ready right after finals last Tuesday, but somehow delayed by meetings after meetings, along with some menial work.
First and foremost, I will be moving out of my house and living with others for the first time. Not much to say about that, but for now I am really looking forward to any options that involves leaving my current home. Reasons primarily being my university department moving to an area that is more remote and difficult to access with public transport. There is also the fact that my current house is in poor conditions to study in (I could go on and on why and point fingers, but not doing that for now).
Secondly, I will try to finish two Coursera courses in these couple of weeks. One is the extremely famed Model Thinking, while the other is the more simple Academic Information Seeking. Again, I have not finished them so not much I can say for now, but I will definitely have things to occupy myself with during this short break.
Then, I will be taking some time to do some self-reflection and exploration. Again, I don’t believe in ‘finding myself’, but I just want to look back at my short 21 years life thus far and at the very least record them down (I don’t have anyone else to do that for me). I find that my memories of things tend to fade after a certain point that involves a major change or traumatic experience (it is as if I died right after and born again as another self), and a lot of these memories form a huge part of who I am. This is a sudden realization of not being able to tell others who exactly I am in a meaningful way. I don’t know where this will bring me, but at the very least I am adamant about doing this. So, my next series of blog posts is primarily intended to answer the tough”who am I” question, and have much more retrospective elements to them. I will be rereading the books I read years and years ago, remembering the things that I loved and hated years and years ago, replaying the songs I downloaded years and years ago.
I am somehow so excited about this.
That’s about it I guess? My own QnA session.
How did finals go?
Honestly, not great, but I did everything humanly possible. Biopsychology was simply too much effort to be worth the grade. Mixed Method…well I think I will do better than I predicted in a previous post, don’t think there is any way I could have done it better. Also, I sorta overestimated myself for Human Sexuality. May be some marks away from the highest possible grade, but I guess that’s good enough for me. All in all, my Year 2 is halfway done, and I hit my basic grade goals.
Will have to work much harder in the upcoming short semester if I still want a scholarship though. *sighs*
Psi Chi Elections?
Well…I didn’t win any, while it is good for me to be reminded that I am only mortal, I can’t say I didn’t see it coming though. Opinions about my running is mostly dismissive or ‘meh’ from my peers so I have sort of felt pessimistic about my chances. Then again, I am quite far from being a very popular person and my circle of influence is pretty minuscule, so rationally I wasn’t exactly optimistic. That aside, the big four are pretty stacked and capable, and I could still myself working with them soon. That being said…
I am still a little uncertain as to what’s next as I have prepared myself for all the “what-ifs” if I got chosen: dropped my leadership position in the society I founded, wrote down possible plans for activities, started reading more self-help stuff, and picking up vocalization courses. Are they gong to go to waste especially in the light of my limited time?
Anyhow, I guess my time as a leader or a ‘central figure’ is up. It was a pitifully short stint, started out of a sudden, ended out of a sudden. I walked into leadership, empty-handed exactly one year back, it is only fitting that I now walk out empty-handed as well, I guess?
Somehow I feel old, weary, and mortally salient despite having more than one year left at university. Above all, alone.
Located some interests with decent potential such as intellectual courage and Zimbardo’s time perspective theory! Haven’t started the literature reviewing though. Anyhow I still have 3+ months to worry, so I am not exactly worried. I should be though.
Jealous about juniors getting internships?
Initially not, but now yes. Very.
RM250 worth of book vouchers, what’s the plan?
Saving it for Big Bad Wolf? Not sure. The books bought using last year’s batch of vouchers are still far from finished though!!
It pains me to think about them. I still love games and can actually play a couple of them on my terrible laptop. I still read news about Dota 2, RuneScape, MapleStory and MMOs in general.and feel excited about them. But I find very reason to commit myself to them already. I really wish I could.