Don’t be ambitious, be purposeful. Ambition is empty and it crumbles when challenged, when its not fueled with substance and purpose. Purpose is what is left after the initial inspiration has faded, and is founded on reality.
I am struggling with my preparations now because I prepared to venture into too many topics that I liked and wanted to be ‘part of’. I have always wanted one opportunity to do whatever research I like without being bounded by design and teammates. Now I have realized that is a hollow, substance-less idea to uphold. Writing a research proposal has to be solid: built on substantial methodology and established theories. After this few years in university I have learned to generate an interest for almost anything, I should have used that to my advantage to explore solid topics, rather than those areas that are all over the place and in the process, allow my purpose to be all over the place. I should not have worried about ‘what area I want to write about’, but rather ‘how do I make this area better’.
As a result, I am worn out, and a bit angry at the ridiculous amount of effort and time (precious holiday time!) spent working on my research topic and design and jumping between them, where others are already writing already. It does make me feel dumber than I should have: afterall two plus years writing literature reviews should have made me more efficient than this. But I am halfway nearing my proposal draft due date without a substantial idea of my design.
This point onward I will have to focus. Not on my hollow imaginations of a glorious end product, but treading carefully but surely on the stepping stones left by other giants in the field. It is only my own realistic expectations I need to meet, after all.
This is just a thesis, not my magnum opus, not the swan song of my writing and psychology life.
I only hope it is not to late to start over.