A Stroke of Disillusion

Actually it has been a surprising long while since I last blogged about university life, almost like a month’s hiatus. I had a major milestone every week: decide research design, proposal draft, shoot video, full proposal, and oral defence.  As I walked out of my defence, everything seemed…over. I wrapped up the bulk of my university workload in five weeks.

With only a group presentation and finals to go.

With only thesis and a subject that I garnered zero interest for, I am steadily running out of fucks to give. I kinda forgot how it feels like to have your main focus in life being something you are not interested in. I really did overestimated my abilities to care about anything and everything in psychology. Perhaps I learned that not everything is worth caring for, or it is my discipline and motivation running low. Only thing I really want to do is to retreat to my books and games.

Kinda need something like a reboot to get a fresher perspective of things. To take off the expectations of others, to break free of this perception that I am in a continuous Ouroboros-like loop of being left out,

Maybe this is that painful transition phase where one is disillusioned with what he is, but at a loss of where he has to go next.

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